Enjoy the lulz (Reposted from another forum)

[Gardner Denver]

So, doing some digging, find the website for the parent company of Metro.  I almost fell out of my chair while reading this, so thought I'd pass it along to the rest of you :)

What we do:
Multi Service Corporation is a global transaction management company specializing in billing and payment solutions, such as credit card systems, with particular expertise in the transportation industry.

Our mission is to understand our customers' needs better than anyone else, functioning as problem solvers to deliver solutions and results.

Integrity, credibility, passion and accessibility are our cornerstones.

We continue to rely upon our entrepreneurial mindset to grow our company and sustain our reputation as an industry leader, as we have since our inception in 1978.

How we do it:
Credibility ? When a commitment has been made, Multi Service stands behind it.
Expertise in Problem Solving ? Multi Service works closely with customers to determine needs and deliver solutions, be it a specific software process, customized report or a phone call.
Results Orientation ? Multi Service has an entrepreneurial mindset, focusing on delivering results. When a client requests something, Multi Service gets it done or provides the tools.
Customer Intimacy ? Multi Service seeks to understand customers' objectives better than anyone else. We form relationships with our customers, providing solutions to enable goal achievement.
Category Leadership ? Multi Service looks for opportunities to create, develop and lead a market. We leverage innovative and entrepreneurial approaches across multiple markets.

Who we are:
Accessibility & Responsiveness ? Everyone on the Multi Service team is accessible. The Multi Service response is quick and always exceeds expectations.
Integrity ? Multi Service understands customer trust is paramount. We go above and beyond in protecting this trust by acting in good faith in promoting the customers' best interests.
Passion ? Multi Service strongly believes in what it does. It shows in our dedication to our customers.
Entrepreneurial Spirit ? Multi Service operates by recognizing opportunities and implementing solutions quickly.
Flexibility ? Multi Service understands that objectives may change and responds to the needs of our customers, providing customized options, knowing that one size does not fit all.

Can anyone name even ONE of these qualities that Metro has??

[Gardner Denver]

So I revamped this a tad to reflect Metro's actual business model:

What we do:
Metropolis Gameport is a small company with delusions of grandure regarding our products and people with no expertise or experience in the field.

Our mission is to understand our customers' needs better than anyone else, then totally ignore them.

Integrity, credibility, passion and accessibility are words that have no meaning to us.

We continue to rely upon our closed mindset to allow our company to stagnate and sustain our reputation as an industry failure, as we have since our inception in 1978.

How we do it:
Credibility ? When a commitment has been made, Metropolis forgets it.
Expertise in Problem Solving ? Metropolis learned that by ignoring your customers problems, they go away.
Results Orientation ? Metropolis has an entrepreneurial mindset, focusing on delivering no results. When a client requests something, Metropolis delivers 1 of 15 predefined excuses on why it can not be done.
Customer Intimacy ? Metropolis seeks to rip off customers' money better than anyone else. We form one sided relationships with our customers, providing no solutions to enable goal achievement.
Category Leadership ? Metropolis looks for opportunities to scam product owners at every turn.

Who we are:
Accessibility & Responsiveness ? Everyone on the Metropolis team is accessible on days that do not end with the letter Y. The Metropolis response is almost non existant and always fails to meet expectations.
Integrity ? Metropolis fails to understands customer trust is paramount. We would go above and beyond in protecting this trust by acting in good faith in promoting the customers' best interests. but that requires effort on our part.
Passion ? Metropolis strongly believes that what it does is the best way to run a software company. It shows in our dedication to our customers and user base.
Entrepreneurial Spirit ? Metropolis operates by recognizing opportunities and implementing solutions quickly. Once we get our office furniture moved.
Flexibility ? Metropolis understands that objectives may change and responds to the needs of our customers. Knowing that one size does not fit all, we have a wide array of excuses we can use for failing to meet your needs.

Better? :)

[The Crazy Animal]

 ::)

[Valiant Lyta]

Yeah, the first one is as big a lie as I've ever seen, and the second, if anything, is understating their issues.....well done, Gard! :)

[DeathCow]

You know...the majormud sysops of the world really should start a campaign of emailing multiservices' clients with their "history"